In a previous post I mentioned that everyone poops. Dogs poop too.
I happen to be sensitive about dogs. What I mean is, I make sure that people are not inflicting their dogs on my life. This is especially true about the millions - maybe frillions - of dog owners in Los Angeles.
Dog owners in LA are like no other. They carry dogs in purses, dye their shitzhu's hair pink, and most appalling of all, bring their "best friends" to work. If I can't bring my best friend to work then neither can you! Sometime in history before I arrived to LA, these ways of life became acceptable.
I can't control any of that, but I CAN control the poop problem. You know, owners who don't pick up their dog's poop because they think no one is watching? My friends, I am always watching.
You have to be on the lookout. If the owner plans to pick up the poop, she is on alert while the dog is pooping. She holds the plastic bag, or futzes in her pocket for it, or looks around for a nearby garbage can.
The non-picker-upper, on the other hand, stares into the distance while his dog is squatting, looks up at the sky, studies architecture, tries to will himself invisible. He pretends the dog is not even there.
When I see this, I time my walk so that I pass them just as the dog hops up and scurries away. The owner makes sure I pass them by and turns to walk in the opposite direction. That's when I WHIP around and startle the owner by saying, "Aren't you going to pick up your dog's poop?" I open my eyes wide, and feign hurt and confusion at the person's obvious violation of the law.
The owner will usually lie and say, "I was gonna pick it up," or, "I was gonna come back later and pick it up." Depending on my level of hostility that morning I give them a hard time or simply shake my head, disappointed in them, and walk away.
My favorite experience was last week in Griffith, when I confronted a man and he said, indignantly, "Go away. Go on." But, of course I did not. "Don't you know that the environmental impact of plastic in a landfill is worse than for his waste to disintegrate into nature?" Ooooh, the man had a speech prepared! "I'm sick of people like you," he told me with disgust.
I watched as he pulled a bag out of his pocket and bent down to gather the poop. All I could think was, "There are others out there like me?!"
I should gather the others together and form a neighborhood caucus. This could be the start of a movement.
Today's Coffee Beverage: Nothing yet, but I'm dreaming about it.
6 comments:
I'm totally with you on starting up a group, but only if we can roam around 'Guardian Angel' style wearing jaunty berets (brown, perhaps?) and savagely beat anyone trying to leave the scene of a pooping without scooping.
Hi,
I see you signed up for Blogexplosion through my site. Hope it brings more peeps down.
Concenring pscooping, where I live now must be one of the poopiest towns on earth. I'm sure someone somewhere has a whole site on the subject.
I can verify your story -- I was there and saw you burn daggers in the man's soul! You are a superhero!
I can't believe you are so mean-spirited! Dogs have a right to poo anywhere they want to without feeling your gloomy presence that can only tighten them up. Mother Earth does not belong to you alone!
It's not the dogs with whom I have issues - of COURSE they need to poop outside. It's only their irresponsible owners that I wish to reform.
I think its sad for a large or even medium size breed having to live its life all cooped up in an apartment with nowhere to run around.
Its even sadder when their owners don't pick up after them and if they do... tossing the leaking smelly shit bag into my recycle bin. Fuck those "Selfish-For-Life" shit mongers.
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